Forgive me Martha, for I have sinned.

Another week down, and what a week it was, folks.

I can't give you a list of what cleaning got finished, except to say that things were definitely cleaned, but nothing special managed to get handled. I was simply holding down the fort. You see, what I've noticed about the cleaning calendar is (if you want to do it perfectly, that is) you have to devote yourself to it with matrimonial zeal, otherwise, it simply will not work. It demands that you have nothing else to do.

A middle road is being sought and built. I'll maintain everything, and do the every now and again things as often and as soon as possible. With that in mind, I will not be beating myself up if the metal door knobs don't get polished.

The music conference was...well...I don't know how to put it. I suppose it's good enough to say that it was "eye-opening" if nothing else. Other adjectives, such as exhausting and brutal could also be used (and I was only there for one day; my poor friends who were there for four days really had a run through the wringer). As I was not showcasing at the conference, the chance of booking a show at any of the schools present and scouting talent was slim to none, so I was there to meet people and test the waters. There was a lot to do, and the possibility that nothing would come of it.

However, remembering my days working in career services at a law school, I knew that networking is the only way to really get work of any kind, so I schmoozed as much as I possibly could, met some really nice folks, and connected with people at schools that might be a good fit for what I do.

The next day, I spent time at home cleaning and thinking about where my music career is, and where I want it to go. More than that, I thought about what I was willing to do, how I was willing to rearrange my life, in order to make music the central theme of my working days. Where am I willing to play? What gigs am I willing to take on? How much control would I be willing to let a manager have? Would I be capable of taking honest advice and direction in order to advance, all while refusing to back down on my personal and artistic beliefs? What does success mean? What am I completely unwilling to do? What, exactly, is this "selling out" artists talk about, and how will I know if I'm there?

These were the contents of my head as dust was brought up, dishes were washed, food was cooked, emails were sent, etc., etc., etc. As per usual, there are no immediate answers, but I'm figuring things out. I will be going to another one of the conferences next year, after I've had some time to rearrange and get my marketing materials where I need them to be. Like watching my brother tell my mom "no" when I was little and seeing what the consequences of such actions were, this recent conference was a lesson, and I plan to learn it well.

Of course these are all things that I have come to after several days of thought. The day immediately following the conference, having seen so many people wanting to get booked, so much energy going into the business of entertainment, it was easy to be down and frustrated...

And that's when the Muse dropped by. She always likes to pick these moments.

You see, other than this blog (which is still very new), I don't keep a journal. My songs are my only time to process my thoughts and emotions into words. So, this time, the muse whispered to me, and I wrote a short, deeply depressing little ditty called "Smiles at a Trade Show." We'll see if it's good enough for the next CD, but as far as I was concerned at that moment, it was like hitting the jackpot.

Thank you, Muse. It was good to see you again.